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Have you read any of the absolutely hilarious reviews online from men who have dared to use Veet Hair Removal Cream? If not then do so. Most recently I have read that a man was in so much pain from using said product that he had to stuff his manhood into a tub of ice cream and try and insert a frozen Brussel Sprout up his arse to stop the burning, all the while screaming in agony! Not a nice thought is it, but there are two reasons why I have decided to talk about it in this review of French trio Eclectika’s third album ‘Lure Of Ephemeral Beauty’. Firstly, the thought of having my manhood stuck in ice cream with a sprout up my back passage is infinitely preferable than ever having to listen to this again and, secondly, I can imagine this particular man’s screams of agony being somewhat similar to the noise that passes for vocals on this album!

All three of the members of Eclectika ‘sing’. Noémie Sirandre (this is her debut with the band) is the female opera singer; well, at least I think she’s meant to be, because her vocals are so piercingly shrill and out of place that I actually want to cut my ears off and eat them. Aurélien Pers is...well, I’m not actually sure what vocals he supplies and Sébastien Regnier seems to be the leader of Eclectika and sings, plays all the instruments, writes all the music and lyrics, supplies the artwork, has produced the album and released it on his own record label (just as well because I don’t think anybody else would dare). Together, they appear to deal in black metal with atmospherics and drone, but please don’t take any of that description too literally. I have nothing against opera or black metal but, as already mentioned, the female vocals are way too high in the mix and far too screechy; the male screams are akin to my backside the night after a good curry; the sounds that are meant to be drums appear to have been programmed on a kids’ Casio keyboard; the production is some of the worst I’ve heard and the songs themselves are repetitive, dull, uninspiring, and boring.

Are there any plus points? Well there are a couple of ambient pieces of music and without vocals they work slightly better and the album artwork is quite nice but that’s it. ‘Lure of Ephemeral Beauty’ is anything but! It is hardly brief, being nearly an hour in length and it is not fleeting or short lived now that it has been recorded because it will be around a lot longer than me. I would also personally like to say that any band that can entitle one of their songs ‘Handicapped Sex In A Mental Orgy’ (other than perhaps Steel Panther), has some issues or a bad translator. I’m off now to find the frozen sprouts and ice cream!
Asylum Ruins Records
Review by Rick Tilley
8th Nov 2012
1) Through the Supernova Remnant
2) Lure of Ephemeral Beauty
3) Cyclic Anagnorisis
4) Room Nineteen
5) Sophist's Death: Legacy and Bitter Tears
6) Trauma 835
7) Sweet Melancholia
8) Les Sept Vertus Capitales
9) Handicapped Sex in a Mental Orgy
10) Aokigahara
"...the songs themselves are repetitive, dull, uninspiring, and boring."